Relationships, whether intimate or family, can sometimes be stressful, unproductive and even unhealthy or lethal. How do you set limits for yourself and ensure you are not a victim of a bad relationship? Dr Moses shares his insights on this.
Trust and I, we go back a long way. She has been my good companion all my life. As a child, I thought nothing bad of her. I felt she could always be depended upon. Even when she showed she could not, I could not comprehend the meaning or magnitude of her actions.
As a teenager, she still felt safe, though somewhat more mysterious. Black seemed to be black and white was white. It hardly crossed my mind that she would even think of betraying me. The certainty of what she said and intended was comforting.
As an adult, I began to see her true colours. Black and white was grey. One plus one was five, sometimes three, sometimes two. She betrayed me, came back begging for forgiveness and another chance. I accepted. Life is nothing without her, treacherous as she can be.
Looking back, Trust had been imperfect much of the time. Re-analysing things, I had a wrong perception of her all along. She is selfish, sometimes mean, sometimes cold. She does not always mean what she says. She might even try to take advantage of me. But sometimes, those few but beautiful times, she is perfect, caring, full of integrity…and there is nothing better than her warm caress. It seems to take away all her wrongs. Her tender and sincere kisses reassuring that things will once more be as they should.
Yes, Trust remains my companion still. I cannot imagine life without her. Though I am more careful with her. She is that elusive ideal. I want to let her go, but she entices me ever more.
Yet, I come to see that the reason I misjudge Trust, is that I judge her by my standard. I want to be dependable, I try to be worthy. I try to make my word my bond. That is my downfall; I expect the same of her, yet I too cannot uphold that ideal, try as I may.
So, I must learn to dance this dangerous dance with Trust. I must see her for what she really is. I must see myself for what I am, though striving for perfection.
The dangerous tango continues, but I am wiser. I will not judge her by her word. I will judge her by her actions. She too, must judge me the same. Then, our love will not be perfect, but it will be…pure.